Love In Pain

Love In Pain

The pain in my mind and in my heart is more than a person should bear,
I’ve dealt with sorrow and dealt with hurt you wouldnt know was there.
I smile through trial and laugh through pain for its all I know to do,
And in this pain my heart is aching, and figuratively broken in two.
I make no complaint or argument, that others know not this pain,
I simply relinquish how I feel, like the sun gives way to the rain.
I have no more feelings or love to give, though to some that seems dramatic,
Because for me love is no feeble emotion, it is a drug unto an addict.
I breathe this passion, I live in love, though this means I am too much,
I do not want my life to cringe from any lasting touch.
People like to tell me that they’re here and they will always care,
But the fact remains that nowadays I dont even know your there.
You cant see my pain, I hide it from view, though auras you can feel,
I spend my days fighting my hurt and finding ways to deal.
It is no easy task for me, though I will myself to say it,
The numbness that is my heart, gives no voice which to convey it.
I feel I’ve lost a part of me, and that is hard to believe,
For love has always been my care of what I can perceive.
I’ve done my best with what I can, and now I stand defeated,
All my life force drained from me, and all resources depleted.
I stand here more or less alone, as darkness begins to surround me,
And in all this pain I have inside it begins to slowly drown me.
So as I wade in the waters depth and keep myself afloat,
I understand that in this world, theirs others in my boat.
So know that someone understands and feels just as you do,
And know that with a bit of faith we all can make it through.




I gaze out softly in the distance, upon a shining star,
Reminding me of a time and place, that’s evidently far,
The time where you were with me, holding me so tight,
The time where you had loved me, beyond the day or night,
This star I look at twinkles more, and as does my reflection,
For what I see are ripples with a startling complexion,
Have you ever gazed unto the sky, wondering as you do,
If at that moment there in time, I looked upon it too,
I know I have, it pains to say it, for I do miss you so,
I thought that I would follow you, wherever you may go,
Yet now you stand there with another, which pains my heart to see,
That once upon a time for us, that girl was to be me.
What happened to the love that died, yet stayed there all the same,
When at night you looked upon that star, and softly said my name.
I look at it now, so bright, so sweet, and wonder what’s to come,
And wonder where I’ll end up soon, and where I will be from.
I know not how you feel inside, but only what I miss,
And the star can only tell me much, before it will dismiss.
So as the night shade fades to dawn, and the star grows dimmer still,
I think about the love I lost, and the path that I must till.
No one knows our destiny, whether mine bears strength with yours,
One can only hope that you’ll come knocking on my door.
Until that day, I’ll wait and see what life will bring me yet.
And every night I’ll see your star and never feel regret



Alone in a room together at night, where darkness just surrounds me,
I tantalize a million ways, for people to simply drown me.
I wanna believe in the strange and weary, the things that are unsure,
Where everything is deja vous, just like it was before.
I wonder about the paradox, of life between the worlds,
A time where there is laughter, with a life that just unfurls.
Where the twisted psycho has a heart, and acts more like a “man”,
And learns to breathe more steadily, just as their life began.
Where death and humor so unchanged, sit closely knit together,
And being obese means happiness, when your lighter than a feather.
A topsy turvy world, revolves this topsy turvy place,
Where creatures learn to think alike, no matter what the face.
Darkness seems to draw the light, comical tho it seems,
And lovers seem to meet, as fate, would have it in my dreams.
Unbelievable this is true, for those who will to say it,
The darkness drowns my tattered soul, of which I do convey it.
So tell me, does thou sing with God, or dance in pale moonlight,
With the devil and is advosaries, looking for a fight.
Whatever the reason I find a fault, for which I am to blame,
And to some I might be maddening, or otherwise insane.
Nevertheless you read my thoughts, and therefore read my mind,
And slowly you will come to grasp the feelings that I find.
Insanity’s not the absence, or withdrawal of the sane,
But a presence unexplainable, to which you can explain.
So if like me, you think the odd, and strange are more appealing,
And believe the findings that I speak, are simply just revealing.
Then my friend I bid you welcome, to a world made all your own,
Where sanity and not, are judged by you, and you ALONE.

The Night

The Night

Trees whipping against the wind,
Night slowly closing in,
Leaves rustle through the grass,
As the clouds near the moon go swiftly passed,
I clear a path in mind and world,
Wondering how my life’s unfurled,
And through it all I miss their laughs,
And wonder of these different paths,
Which of these should I have taken,
And of my self, have I forsaken,
Has my life spiraled into grey,
Am I the forgotten day,
What will become of my despair,
Will people even know I’m there,
The clouds they cover the moon above,
I remember that I do not share in love,
I feel alone, dismay is my grave
To lie in and wait, as dark as a cave,
My heart bears no happiness of times its seen,
And my memories have been wiped out clean,
The raven croons above my head,
And I feel as though I’m of the dead,
An empty shell of an empty soul,
Forever unable to reach my goal,
Darkness closes in on the night,
I take out the only thing that feels right,
Down the road, not across the street,
No my dear friends, not speaking of feet,
Drip, drop, they fall to the floor,
One more cut and I’ll be no more,
Deep breathe, and then your free,
Count it down, one…two…three….


This is a reminder to all people out there that you are not alone. For years I battled this exact feeling. For years I thought no one understood. But there are people like myself out there that do.

Stay strong, stay determined, stay alive.

Who Are You?

Who Are You?

Its as if you see something that I don’t,
I wonder as you stare.
Something that, for everyone,
Should probably be there.

You exam me with wandering eyes,
And questions on your face.
As if I should know everything,
Including my own place.

You seem to harbor a secret,
Like you know me more than I.
Yet I can not seem to read your face,
Hard as I may try.

Some may call you stone,
While others merely less.
Perhaps you feel like a doormat,
If I had the chance to guess.

Maybe you just hide the hurt,
Behind the scars of pain.
Maybe people think your weird,
Or otherwise insane.

To me you just seem normal,
For this I don’t know why.
It’s like I’ve known you all along,
It’s like I’ve seen you cry.

Yet your image is so blurry,
It’s impossible to clear.
Why is it you do not speak?
Tell me why you’re here!

Who are you mystery stranger?
Why do you hide your face?
Is it because they can not see,
The blood and scars you trace?

The vision comes in clearer,
And I gasp at what I see,
The person that has hurt so much
This person….she is…me.

Helping hands

Unfortunately things do happen, and that’s why we must always band together and help.

Peace, Love and Patchouli

Unexpected moments rise
helpless we watch
asking ourselves the questions
what is it we can do
to raise up the fallen.
Gently we cradle the lives
filling our hearts with peace to radiate
outwards in all directions
watching as the eyes meet ours
lighting a glow
of hope.
We do what we can when we can,
often feeling it’s never quite enough
but something is always better
than nothing in the end
and a helping hand
gives more than it takes.

*Yesterday on my last day at work I was standing at the door looking through the glass at the beautiful sky and glancing down, saw a dragon-fly upside down just laying there. I knew the next person who came in would hit it or step on it so I walked outside, grabbing a long brow item and let it grasp onto it (wasn’t sure if they bite or not)…

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When we dream we leave a reality behind,
Something lost and found in a concept of time.
We imagine our lives in a different dimension,
Frightened or scared is not without mention.
We try to remember the world when we wake,
What we saw in that world and what we can take.
The dream is an extension of thoughts in mind,
Although without knowledge they are hard to find.
Our subconcious desires and fears on a whim,
Allow for reality to seem farther and within.
But imagine a world where you want not to dream,
Where your dreams bear no weight to reality theme.
Where you decide to go straight through the life you are living,
Because dreams are not worth the reality your giving.
As hard as it is for some to explain,
We have no intention of waking in pain.
Our dreams grant relief from pain we would hide,
And sleep grants us peace and keeps it inside.
But alas we must wake, as hard as it seems.
Just make sure reality is better than your dreams.



In a world of indecision, its important to find the path;
The one that leads you down a road, with positive aftermath.
Each step we take, each road we cross, is driven by a chance;
And for some of us the road we take, will rest on circumstance.
A clouded heart, a clouded mind, impairs the will to see;
It makes these journeys harder, filled with much anxiety.
All the roads we come to pass, in one direction or another;
Will find us being open, or quite quick to form a cover.
People hide their hearts, from pain and sorrow, they simply can not fix;
But what good is life without the chances and excitement in the risk?
Whichever way you roll the dice, you take a chance to lose;
So take the risk and worry not, at least you got to choose.
We stress ourselves in daily life, for what we can’t control;
In doing so we lose our stride, and things that make us whole.
We lose ourselves and hate this fact, because we crave to know;
The fact is we are all quite lost, and know not which road to go.
So since the life we have right now, is more or less uncertain;
We should not close the show just yet, and hide behind the curtain.
We do not get to choose the start, these thoughts we should dimish;
The one thing that we get to choose, is exactly how we finish.
So go with knowing you took the risk, though thoughts will be a pain;
And remember down this crazy road, you might be called insane.
But as you walk the life you want, their comments bear no weight;
You are the director of your path, and you control your fate.

Painful Memories


In the crossfades of a mind, your memories come and go.
Its a vast enigma of pain, and a wealth of all sorrow.
You try to hide the pain within, hope it’s pure illusion.
You can’t escape the hurt inside, the disarray and confusion.
There’s a million questions that go unanswered, try it tho you may.
For pictures and theories, conjections even, pop up for you each day.
The loves you’ve lost you wonder “why”, what did I do so wrong.
Your memories replay over, like a miserable country song.
You ask the obvious, taunting questions, “was I simply not enough”?
The mind is clouded with every thought, which makes this rather tough.
Your torturing yourself and mind, with thoughts which bear no weight.
From a time thats already long since passed, a far and distant date.
And yet still, you sit and grieve, for what you’ve lost and found.
Wondering where your life is headed, where your road is bound.
You wonder if you’ll love again, as you glance at stars above.
Its seems like only fantasy, the thought of respect and love.
For everytime you try again, your heart is torn in two.
Its no wonder that you feel so numb, with all that you’ve been through.
They lied, they cheated, deceived your mind, with not so much as a sorry.
When at times it wasn’t hard to give, or even say an apology.
A person knows their rights and wrongs, but to own up they will not.
For admitting to these rights and wrongs, would surely stir the pot.
So all the afflicted can sit and do, is ponder what was done.
Wishing words wouldn’t hurt so much, like the pop off of gun.
But they do, and yes there’s pain, and we try to shrug it off.
Yet these people we come back to, as the light will draw the moth.
For those of us who feel all things, our hearts out on our sleeve.
We have no choice in mental state, not to dwell or grieve.
We grieve not for dead or loss of life, but for time we have yet wasted.
Which could have been spent exploring life, and fruits we’ve not yet tasted.
Do not expect the ones who afflict us, to understand any pain.
Their narcisstic tendencies, dont allow for such restrain.
Its your fault, no matter how the fight, so don’t engage with word.
For it goes in one ear and out the other, not one thing have they heard.
Because they are right, you are wrong, thats what they tell their mind.
Which is why they’ll keep on running back, from truth that they will find.
So just sit back, relax and breathe, altho tough it is to do.
And remember that their pain is theirs, and should not effect you.
People realize what the lose, if not through periods of time.
Its human nature as it stands, yet not a victimless crime.
Gain no satisfaction, for yourself, in the karma they will reap.
And do not engage in over thinking, forever losing sleep.
The time will come for them to see, the light the tried to dim.
For you that moment will seem unreal, but will you sink or swim?
Don’t let the poison seap in your soul, with all of what can be.
Remember these poisons only exist, deep within the memory.

The Demon Inside

The Demon Inside

Darkness is a place I try not to reside,
Yet the demon in me dwells deep inside.
She screams and cries of things most unpleasant,
And dares to take action where none is present.
She’s angry and sad, extreme in her place.
An unrecognizable, and frightening face.
She’s the inner me, always concealed,
Yet the more I attempt, the more power she’ll wield.
It’s scary to think that she dwells within me,
And moreso to think that she’ll let people see.
I aim to hide her away from others,
Like a child hiding from monsters under covers.
But alas, she is but stronger and still.
And her might is stronger than my will.
So I give in to this horrific sight,
The one that keeps me up at night.
I pray that its all just a terrible dream,
Yet no one will ever hear my scream.
She aims to take me out of this world,
She aims to take life out of this girl.
I dare not try to let her free,
For that will be the end of me.
But she knows my sorrows and knows my pain,
And to her it all will mean the same.
That no matter the optimism in life, tho slanted,
She will rid me of being taken for granted.
There are times I simply wish to succumb,
And it feels I am stuck beneath her thumb,
So hopefully I can rise above,
No matter the factor, when push comes to shove.
I will slip occassionally, I know this to be true,
And grant her the access to come on through.
Yet in the end I will aim to be the best,
And pass this life we call “the test”.